Rejection hurts (and 4 tips to sooth the sting)
In the writing world, for every 1 acceptance you see are 10 rejections (and 20 consolatory snacks).
Rejections are inevitable, but that doesn’t mean they don’t suck.
What you see online are my publications. What you don’t see? The ever-growing pile of rejections.
Fun, or not so fun fact, I recently learned that there are tiers of rejections in writing. There’s the generic “Thanks, but it’s a pass” up to a personalized rejection, the latter of which is considered better, or at least indicates your work was closer to acceptance.
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⟡ Story 1:
3 rejections — 2 generic, 1 promising
I’ll continue shopping the story (looking for a magazine to submit it to).
⟡ Story 2:
1 rejection → revision → 1 rejection — both generic
I’m not sure I want to keep submitting it. After the second revision, it went a direction I’m not sure I like.
⟡ Story 3:
1 rejection — generic
I might look for a magazine. It’s a body horror piece I like, but looking for a magazine is a low priority for it.
⟡ Story 4:
2 rejections — generic, never responded
I really like it, but it’s political satire that I’m having a hard time finding a niche for.
⟡ Story 5:
1 rejection — generic
It’s definitely getting pulled from rotation. It needs serious revisions, but I just need a break from it even though I love the concept.
⟡ Story 6:
1 rejection — personalized
They loved the concept and actually provided feedback, but the plot didn’t quite work for them. I agree, I wasn’t in love with how it ended. So in 2026 I’ll be heavily revising it before I submit again.
⟡ Workshop 1:
Rejected. Will reapply.
⟡ Workshop 2:
Rejected. Will reapply.
⟡ Workshop 3:
Rejected. Might reapply.
⟡ Residency:
Rejected. Might reapply.
Tip 1: Choose a Time to Be Rejected
A good time for rejection? You might think there’s no such thing, but at the very least, there is a bad time for rejection.
Such as? Before a final. During a funeral. After being fired.
A better time for rejection? Maybe you’re heading out to brunch with friends. If you get the rejection for graduate school, then you’d be around good friends and food.
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Of course it’s not always possible to receive rejection when you choose. Sometimes it’s a phone call you pick up, sometimes it’s finding out on social media. But sometimes, you can choose when to receive news.
For me, I apply for everything with my professional author email. I only keep access to this email on my computer, so I can’t obsessively check it on my phone while I’m out and about. I also try to check it when I don’t have other pressing matters. For example, if I need to get writing done, I won’t check my email beforehand because I know that rejections can put me into a self-doubt mindset that I don’t want to have before sitting down to write.
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Tip: If you only have one email, set up a filter, folder, or category so that they go to a place you have to deliberately check instead of all appearing in your main inbox. Or if you apply through a system, set up a time and space to check results.
Tip 2: Friends and Family for Support
I sincerely hope that anyone reading this has someone who they can turn to in times of stress, whether that’s a sibling, a partner, a religious leader, a mentor, etc. Not all rejections hit the same, but for the hard hitters, being able to lean on community can really help.
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Some rejections aren’t that bothersome. This year, I applied for a writing residency on a whim. It would’ve been phenomenal to get, but it’s also for writing long fiction (like a novella or a novel). Currently my focus is on short fiction, so when that rejection came, I shrugged it off and moved on.
On the otherhand, I almost missed out on an opportunity because I didn’t respond soon enough to accept it. And let me tell you, I was pissed. But at that point, it was a Friday night, and they weren’t going to reply to my emails until Monday morning at the earliest. So what did I do? Furiously kick a soccer ball at—I could say with but really it was me punting the ball, not a gentle back and forth—my partner while venting about the situation.
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Tip: Figure out how your support system can support you and communicate it. What do you need to feel supported in this moment?
Tip 3: Self Care
What actions, things, or rituals give you comfort or peace?
Rejections can be disheartening and hard, so do something nice for yourself.
Maybe that’s going out for ice cream. Maybe it’s a long walk out in nature. Or it could be staying in playing your favourite video game or enjoying a facial mask. Or both, but maybe not at the same time.
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I track my magazine submissions through a website called Chill Subs where they have Rejection Bingo.
Gamifying the rejection process makes it slightly more palatable, and I genuinely look forward to contributing to my bingo card when I receive rejections.
Depending on how much it hurts—how much I wanted it—I may also do something else like hug or veg time.
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Tip: Set up positive rituals when you receive rejections so that they’re not always and only negative experiences.
Tip 4: Take What You Can and Move On
Once you hit ‘submit’ on a short story submission, that story is floating in the ether and out of your control. You’ve done all you can do, written a story (hopefully thoroughly edited), but you can’t control what people think about it or the other stories yours is competing against.
This is the same with applying to jobs. You’ve listed your experience and credentials, but if the hiring manager decides to hire from within the company or it’s easier to hire someone-who-knows-someone’s-niece-who’s-friends-with-someone’s-uncle, that’s out of your control no matter how qualified you are for the position.
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When I applied for Fulbright, I was an Alternate before becoming a Finalist. I was so close but not quite, in part due to funding constraints. There’s very minimal insight into the Fulbright selection process besides a US review and a country—in my case, Germany—review of the applicant pool. They don’t publicize the order of Alternates, in theory because they’ll promote whomever is the best fit for an open position. For example, if someone declined a position set in the countryside where high language skills were necessary, they would need to promote someone who also has the appropriate skill set. That’s all to say that my promotion was entirely out of my control.
And unfortunately in this digital day and age, it’s very common to never hear back or to receive generic dismissals. But when you do make it to a final stage, sometimes you can ask for feedback. Whether or not it’s helpful is up to you to determine. You’ve got to trust yourself, your instincts, and accept what works and what doesn’t.
I once had feedback that essentially said, “I didn’t understand XYZ” when XYZ happened a page later. No matter what I wrote, this story would not have been a good fit with this editor and magazine, and I’m not going to change the content based on this aspect. I’ve since had this piece workshopped, and it hasn’t been a problem for anyone else.
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Tip: Remember that there are so many outside forces and that a rejection doesn’t mean you weren’t competitive or worthy. If they provided constructive criticism, determine if it’s good advice, and if it is, use it for your future applications.
At the end of the day, celebrate the small wins because rejection means at least you tried something. You put one foot forward. And one day, it will pay off if it hasn’t already.
If you’ve got more tips, leave them in the comments below!
Blog thumbnail: Hike in Cape Breton, Nova Scotia